It happened!!!! For the first time in over two years of foster parenting and visits, I cried after dropping my kids off at Family Support Network. I've always understood the need for Bio visits and up until this point was generally fine with it. Not today!! I was on the verge of tears even before I left the house. Leaving my precious babies in the hands of a man with such horrific intentions is devastating for a mommy. I drove away quickly and burst into tears, begging God for this all to be over. I just want them to be safe and happy. I want us to be a solid family without doubt of interruption. Will that ever be possible for us? For them? This visit today did nothing for my heart or mind. I feel so confident one minute and broken to pieces the next. I'm scared, worried, angry and incredibly saddened by not only the outcome of all this, but with everything in between. These adorable baby blue's should not be going through this in their little lives. I will protect them...I WILL!!
We are honored today to be granted the right to an attorney in this case. Thank you God for giving us a voice in the future of these children. It was stated that we have strong standing in this case and we felt it necessary take what right, though it may be tiny, a foster parent has.
I have now had these kids for 20 months. I have been through everything with them...shots, potty training, nightmares, walking, talking, preschool, surgeries, dentist, doctor, puking, falling, crying. I have fed them, clothed them, bathed them, held them and loved them. Does he really think, bringing them a dollar store toy once every two weeks will make up for that? I say no, professionals say no, family says no....will the judge say no?
So again, we sit and wait. Keeping on with pointless visits and awkward interactions. I pray for deeply this doesn't harm them mentally. I pray God can keep my heart right and softened towards this dad and the situation. I love my kids:)
Meeting today for my other boys was...interesting. Pretty much the same from parents...jail, drugs, jail, relapse, jail, don't care. What a waste of my afternoon. Nothing done on the case...and boys aren't even enrolled in a tribe so there is no chance anytime soon that they will be moving. One Grandma was interested in knowing about them and possibly getting them, but did agree with me that the next move the boys make will be to their permanent placement. One worker even volunteered us to be the concurrent placement for the kids....lol this was never discussed! I see a long road ahead with these two and are blessed to have them in our home.
Sadly, we are working with an organization that believes differently than Joel and I. While I know children need as much support and help as possible, I do believe enough is enough. I've heard from many a worker and professional that "the Hausmann's are not your normal foster parents"...then stop treating us normal. We do care and do interact and give everything to these kids. We don't toss them to the side and forget about them. We work with them, talk to them...guide them. They are forcefully trying to make these boys out to be damaged and need therapy. While I understand their previous years were traumatizing, I greatly feel that if we can give them love and security at this age...they will begin to forget. I wish so badly these facilities would understand with children so young they don't need to revisit these horrible things with them over and over again to get a reaction. My 4 year old is very solid in this love and zeal for life and has been able to move on past those terrible memories. Why is this place trying to force him to bring them back to the surface? They want him to relive them and then have therapy about them. Seems so wrong to me. Let him be a kid and live the happy life he is living now.
They also feel the younger of my boys has some developmental delays. Each kid grows at their own pace. I feel for a 2 year old He is pushing along in life GREAT! He has made big jumps since being here and that will only continue as he is with us. I don't want to sound selfish...but DON'T RUIN THIS FOR HIM...for us!! Please pray that I could find the right words to say to these workers to show that what we provide for the boys is indeed working and the extensive therapy isn't needed. We love these boys!!!!
What a day! Also got some great news for my 14 year old. After 7 years, she will finally be able to reunite with her little brother. She couldn't keep a smile off her face this evening as I told her the good news! So incredibly pumped for her new ventures in life.
I am so exhausted from this day. I need a good nights rest so I can be the best mommy ever for all my little munchkins tomorrow! Soooo thankful for my many blessings despite my hard battles! I leave you with a smile on your face!!!