As a girl growing up, you imagine what your husband and children will be like. You make standards for how you will raise them and what you will and won't do. You dream of if they will be girls or boys, if they will have blond hair blue eyes, or brown hair brown eyes. Of course it all depends on that special boy you dream of marrying. I was a very imaginative, creative child. I wrote story upon story of my "girls home". I wrote on how many children I would have. At 9 years old, I wrote that I would have 121 kids, or 11. And then I proceeded to name them all...crazy, very unfortunate names. Like....Yotum!! (laugh, laugh)
121 is a bit unreal, but I like the number 11.
Hausmann, party of 11:)
No matter how many stories I imagined, no matter how many dreams I had...nothing would have ever prepared me for motherhood, especially this journey. No amount of studying or classes could teach me how to really raise my children...these children.
I take this whole raising kids right thing one...day...at...a...time!!! I have to! Taking one day and basing the future on it will make one crazy. I find myself saying "ugh he/she is never going to change" "Oh, will this day ever end...come one, just give mommy a break" Lately, as I've renewed my relationship with the Lord, I have prayed many times during the day to help my kids grow and mature. Not faster, just wiser. To understand what mom is teaching, deciphering right from wrong. Many nights I lay my head down and feel utter failure as a mother. I love them, theres no doubt about it....but am I raising them right?
Well today is proving itself to be uplifting and reviving for this mama. Joel and I have inquired about a beautiful little 9 year old cutie. Knowing very well that if we should be able to have her in our home, she would be our forever child and carry the last name of Hausmann. As adults, we understand the sacrifice, the dedication and joy that will bring!!
How will my children feel? Do they feel we have to many already? Can they get along with one more person?
My fosters, along with Baby B don't and won't understand the family talk about adding another child to our home, our forever family. But I did want to talk to the others, get their thoughts on expanding the family.
My talk with Ali was awesome. She knows this little girl from other activities and camp. Her eyes lit up when she found out who it was. I figured she would agree to an add, but would roll her eyes "like whatever"...but she didn't. "So, when can she come?" What a burden was lifted to have my busy 15 year old on board with adding yet another girl to this house.
Silas, being the ONLY brother in the family knows nothing else but having a bunch of sisters. He is my thinker, my theologian, my Einstein. Since (we will call her Miss K) Miss K is 9 and Kayci is 9, he first wondered if they were twins. Not twins buddy, just the same age. Will Miss K love me like Kayci loves me? Not at first, but someday she will. It will just take her some time. *thinking *processing "Well mom, I think I will love her right away and its ok for her to love me later. But I love all my sister right away. (I am at peace!)
Ah Lexi!! Questions Questions Questions!!! "Oh no mom, another girl who's mom and dad can't take care of her. Why?" Well Lex, moms and dads love their kid, but sometimes they love themselves more and just can't take care of their kids the right way." I asked if she would share more of mommy for a little girl who needs a mommy. I asked her if there was room in our hearts and family for another child who needs and wants a family. And just like that, we were roaming around our room, grabbing toys here and there...digging through our stuffed animals...moving her clothes from the dresser. "She has room here and here, and she can have this and this, oh and she can have this." I slowed her down (even tho I understand her mindset more than anything, she has her mommy's heart) Lexi, you don't have to give her your stuff. " But if her mom didn't take care of her, hers won't have clothes, or toys, or teddy bears or...tears formed in her eyes...Mom, has her ever had....Christmas??
Oh my, this has escalated quickly. My 5 year old, willing to give of her all for any person in need. Sharing her room, her toys...her life! After many other questions and explanations...she was of course on board. She decided she needed all her room stuff to move down with the little girls so that the "9 year old K's" could share their room.
So, I ask myself. Am I raising my kids right? I believe I am! They care for others in need. They are openhearted to any child that comes into our home. They share their entire lives, sometimes unexpectedly. They love unconditionally. They respect the decision to build our forever family on their mommy's little girl dream of 121 kids:) Right now our number stands at 78 children in our home, 5 being our Hausmanns. God is good and He is helping me raise these children in a world of anger, sadness and disrespect. He grants me to wisdom to teach them Honor, Respect, Honesty and True Joy!!!
So the next time I go to bed wondering if I'm doing it all right...I will look back on this day, when without a doubt, my children gave of their lives to benefit someone else.