The moment when your 3 year old asks "Mom, when are you going to spend time with me?"
The moment when your 4 year old says "I just want my room back."
The moment when your 5 year old says "You are the only Mom that hasn't helped in my classroom."
The moment when your 9 year old can't come home for Thanksgiving because you don't have room in your car.
The moment when your 15 year old says "I just want to be normal and spend time with my parents"
Have you ever seen the hand of God fall over your heart, family and entire life?
It's just happened in the Hausmann House and I feel so blessed that I serve such a sovereign, loving, merciful God.
Our children in the house stand 15,12,11,9,6,5,4,3,2,1,3 weeks. What ever has rose within me to try to outdo myself each time has got to cease. Life is not fair, but each child deserves to have someone fighting for them to make it as easy as possible. I've dropped that ball in my children's lives and they were so brave to tell me.
Am I quenching my dream, my calling, my passion in life? Oh to come to the realization that I have reached any expectation I could have ever wanted for my life. I am 27 years old and have 5 beautiful gifts from God. Five little humans call me mom and desire for me to be in their life. What a dream come true for any young girl imagining her future.
It with great PEACE yet a heavy heart that we will be saying good-bye to our younger three kiddos. Three in diapers, three that need help being fed, bathed, dressed and put to bed. Three that require 98% of mom all the time. The 2% left is for mom to sleep and breathe...where are my other children? Dressing themselves, getting to school, making their own breakfast and putting themselves to bed....willingly, happily and bravely. All the while, wishing for once mom or dad could spend just a minute of time with them.
This post is hurtfully honest and I am ashamed that I didn't see this in my children before now. I was so caught up in the next child, beating my numbers, filling my quota that I didn't see what was right in front of me. These amazing, needy, and faithful children are MINE. I, as their mother, am in charge of their little lives. It is me who is to be shaping, molding and helping them reach their best potential...where am I??
It is time for me to rise up and be the mom I need to be for my children. Are we done with foster care? Never! But we are putting up limitations based not only on whats best for my children, but my husband and the other children coming into our home.
We received 3 children last week. Amazing, sweet children. Twelve (Sweet Dolly) and Six year old (Wild Child) are girls and an Eleven year old boy (Buddy). They will not be leaving. They have normalized into our family very well and all our kids are on board with them staying.
Remember when I said we have seen the hand of God on our lives? These three have come out of their shells in the most interesting ways and its stunning to watch. From their thankfulness at thanksgiving to asking me for a Bible for Christmas...I am simply blow away at their growth. Just last night "buddy" wanted to say the prayer for dinner. "I don't know what to say, can you help me?" Even with him repeating after Joel, my heart busted into a million pieces. The strong Holy Spirit presence was real when an eleven year old boy said his first prayer. Something I will definitely not forget!
What have I learned in the past 24 hours? Quality not Quantity!! Its not about my numbers, its not about gathering as much as I can for Christmas to give them the bare minimum. Its not about rattling off ages or seeing if I can outdo the Duggers. Its not about trying to outlive my childhood unrealistic desires. Its not about fulfilling my life...
Its about giving of myself 100% to each and every one of the children in my home. Its about focusing on growing and healing these children...even my own. Its about building strong citizens for this world. Its about placing a foundation in all these kids lives so the cycle is broken and their children won't have to go down the same path they are having to walk.
God knows and He is working in our home and hearts this Holiday season. I am blessed and incredibly humbled by God and my children guiding me down a different path. I am so excited and anxious to see what He is going to do next because its going to be life changing for all of us!