So I know, Its been over 3 months since my last post. But SERIOUSLY...I've had 10-11 kids since that time. 24/7 care for 11 children can cause a slight disarray to everything else in your personal life. I miss it...I miss my blog. Its something I think of constantly. I need to make it a habit to find time to at least update, but tiredness overcomes me most nights around 7:15.
No more excuses...I promise!
Life is changing completely for us.
Here's my realization and although its more than many people my age...foster care is all I have to show for my life. Its all that defines me. 28 years old and I've mothered over 100 children...is that really all I want to be credited for? I don't! Its great, yes! Many honor, bless and thank me for my contribution to our community, but it doesn't seem to be enough in my mind. I want more for me...for my husband...for my kids.
First and strongest change: My Spiritual Worship to God!!
I know making excuses for bible reading, prayer and church is highly looked down upon, but more than you can ever imagine these children have stunted my growth in all of the above. Behaviors, Fears, Diseases, and Schedules have put our family out of sync with our faith for a very long time. I'm done, its over. I need my Jesus. I need my church. I need my bible. I need my kids to enjoy God and thrive in faith for their lives. We have made the steps to get to church and the experience has been beautiful, transforming and uplifting. I will never forget the feeling I had being back in church after years of stumbling. My God has forgiven me and the reunion is sweet. Best change in my heart and mind...not only for me but for my babies! More of God...less of Me!! Excitement has been put back into my heart.
Second change: Foster Care
We are s..l..o..w..l..y transitioning out of foster care. I say slowly because I seem to keep saying yes. My addiction is children and I love it. But, for the sanity of my family we have to back down a little bit if not all together. We just spent our very first weekend EVER with just our little Hausmanns. It was peacefully amazing. The kids were different, less reserved and free to be themselves. I didn't have to divide my attention or treat my children different from another. I loved it. They loved it. We didn't want it to end.
I want my children to be loving, selfless, giving individuals. I expected fostering other needy children would create that in them. I fully believe at this time, it is doing the opposite. They are tired of the sharing, the giving, the running, the lack of time they get individually. I have expected my little children to behave like adults and do things some adults could never do. We have a full fledged life with 5 children. I only have 2 more years with my teenager, Ali. I already missed out on 14 years of her life...I don't want to blow past the rest of her time in our home as a child under our roof. I want her to learn how to be a good wife and mother. How to keep a house, how to keep herself and how to value her self worth. I want...yes I said it! I WANT to spend time with this sweet and sassy teenage girl!
Once a month (during the school year) is the only time we get to spend with our first Hausmann Princess, Kayci. It goes by so fast and is usually chaotic and challenging. She needs us so desperately at this time in her life. Almost 10 yet so fragile and begging for normalcy. Summer is right around the corner, and she will have our full attention...that I have promised her!
I blinked and my baby is 6. My amazing, God given miracle just turned six and the scary part about that is...I don't remember what we did. I don't remember as much as I really want to over the last 6 years. Memories I have, but deep seeded remembrance on what we have done with our Lexi time the last six years is cloudy. I want to forever remember the next 6. She is smart and continually asking what, why and how. I don't want to tell her "later" anymore. I want to make sure I am the one answering her questions. Please baby girl, don't go elsewhere...I will sit and tell you anything you want to know.
My son, my boy, my little man Silas...the only stud in the middle of all these drama queens. He needs his mom and dad to fully be able to guide him through his mental imbalance in life. His social awkwardness only fumes with other children in the home. His uncertainty is heightened when change happens. I need to make sure I am here for him...to process with him change and help him overcome his fear of the unknown. Just because he became a Hausmann did not mean he needed me any less.
The baby of the family, Brooklynn. And that is exactly what she is...little miss know it all, controlling the whole herd with her perfect vocabulary. She is spunky in all the right ways, yet still so fearful of leaving the house or anyone new coming into the house. She still won't hardly leave my side and can't seem to understand why her mind is overloaded during these times. We have had success in many avenues, but her lack of reasoning is slowly growing. Only a couple years away from school, I need to make sure she knows she is fully loved and protected no matter the feelings she may have.
I love these little children and they are my children...The children God has so graciously given me the opportunity to raise. They are my job, my reward and my heart. I will not fail them caring for someone else's child.
Third Change: School
With quieting down on the foster care front and with the kids so close to all being in school, I have a little time to do something for me that will one day help my family. As of last week, I became a college student. I'm so crazy anxious as I start my first class tomorrow. I can't believe I have taken this step, but I'm already so proud of my accomplishment. My amazing husband is standing right by my side as I complete more in my life. I am majoring in Applied Behavior Science. I'm not 100% sure what career path I will take once the kids are in school, but I will definitely be helping the children in our community.
I'm amazed the path is leading my family down. I am humbled by His blessings everyday. I believe He has a great future planned for the Hausmann Family and I am open, ready and willing to follow His footsteps.
Sweet Sweet peace and love this evening! Thankful for it all:)